Life goes on...it has to

It has been a while since I posted. Life has been full of doctor's appointments, crying and all over lethargy. But after I recap for you what has been going on, this blog will (hopefully) be full of positive thoughts... most of the time... as I cannot spend forever dwelling on this horrible experience.

So to catch you up, after took the meds to induce bleeding, I, well, I bled. A lot. I went in for an ultrasound and was told that there was still evidence of tissue, blood etc. and that the process did not finish. By this point, Robbie and I had already decided that we did not like this Medical office. I had yet to see a doctor and we felt like our sisutation warranted one. So anyway, the nurse suggested that I take another dose of the same meds and that that, should cause the rest of lining to come out. Robbie and I talked and decided that taking more invasive meds did not seem like the best option. So after asking some friends for OBGYN referral, I found a new doctor. My co-worker gave rave reviews and the reviews online were great as well. She practices with her father in a small office in Mountain View. So when (notice I did not say "if) I get pregnant again, I will see her or her father. And no one else.

So she was kind enough to talk to me over the phone, even before my first appointment. She said that her office did not use the meds I as given by the other office as they often lead to bleeding issues. DUH! So she wanted me to come in and have blood work done, another ultrasound and then an appointment with her to talk.

So Monday of last week I had bloodwork... and Tuesday an ultrasound. By Tuesday afternoon, I got a call from the new Doctor. She said that there was still a large amount of endomitrium and lots of clots and blood. Her recommendation was to have a D&C. Robbie and went in to meet her and dicsuss this on Wednesday. She was great! I felt comfortable with her and she was very thorough. So in the end, we decided to continue with the D&C as planned. I was able to get an appointment on the very next day at 8:45 am.

On my home fmro the Wednesday appointment (Robbie and I took two cars so we could both go straight to work) I began to get strong, cramps. So painful that I actually had to pull over on the side of the road. I sat there for a few minutes and decided that they were not getting any better and that I needed to get home. I drove myself home in extreme pain. That was the beginning to a very long afternoon. On a pain scale of 1-10... I was an 11. I was crying, screeming and really just freaking out. I was in so much pain that I threw up all over the bathroom. I made Robbie come home from work as I truly did not know what to do. He called the doctor to see what to do. She said since I had eatan already today, I could not go in for an emergency D&C so the best bet was to take the vicoton she prescribed for after the surgery. Robbie ran over to the pharmacy and picked it up. At this point it was about 3 pm (my appoinment that morning was at 10 am). I took the pill and waited. It took over an hour for any relief to kick in. By then, mom had arrived and I was feeling good. From 4:30 pm on, I had NO PAIN. Bizarre.

Thursday morning, we drove to the hospital. The procedure went fine. The doctor said that everything went great and that I should see just a little bleeding for the next 2 weeks. We went home and I slept the rest of the day. Friday I felt great. No pain at all. Emotionally I was a wreck. I think it was a reality check that this was finally over and that any "baby" that was in there was now gone.

Saturday, Robbie and I had a great day. We went out to breakfast, saw a movie (Curious Case of Benjamin Button) and went for a long walk with Tillee. I will not lie and say that the day went without tears. Both Robbie and I shed our fair share of tears. But in the end it was a good day.

Today is Sunday. I really want this new week to be a good one. I know myself well enough that I know I need a focus. I need something to think about. Something to plan. Something to take my mind off off everything I do not want to think about. For a while this was the wedding, then the house, then being pregnant. I decided the only real thing I could "plan" now, was being healthy. I decided that I am being given a second chance to be healthy and fit while I am pregnant. I want to lose a few pounds before I get pregnant again. And seeing that I do not know when I will get my period again, I really do not know how long it will be. I also know that It is not likely that I will get pregnant again after my next cycle. But a girl can dream right?

So today we woke up and went to the gym. And hour on the circuit machine, lifting and doing some minor cardio. It felt really good. I ate well too. Then went and got a pedicure which was way over due.

And here I am. 19 days after we got out horrible news. But life had to go on. I cannot cry forever. I cannot be mad forever. There is nothing good that will come of it.

So here's hoping that the next few posts will be about feeling healthy... and perhaps needing some new jeans =)