Another day

Luckily, I had two weeks off for the holidays. That worked out well last week when there was no way I was going to go to work after getting the news. I was able to sit on the couch Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and do just about nothing. Mom came into town to comfort me and to help Robbie with stuff around the house. It was great to have her here. It has been a long time since I needed my mommy to take care of me.

Saturday was the very first day I walked out the front door. Not becuase I wanted to, but becuase I had a rehearsal with the winterguard team that I just could not miss. That went well. I sat down with my leaders and told them what had happened in hopes that they would help keep order at rehearsal and make sure that no one got on my nerves. It was nice to have a few hours where my mind had to be on something else. I came home that night and again just moped. I have been able to cry at the drop of a dime and everywhere I looked there was something pregnancy or baby affiliated. In the past, that wa my favorite thing to see. But not anymore.

Sunday was nice, some friends of our stopped over in the evening to take my mind off of things. It was the first time I told the story without crying. I guess that was a breakthrough.Yesterday was my first day back at work. I knew that it would be horrible but I really had no choice. My plac was to tell my boss as soon as I could. I knew that she had gone through a miscarriage in the past and was hoping for some empathy. When she got in I pulled her into an empty conference room to chat. Before I even sat my tush on the chair I was in tears. She and I talked for a while and she reminded me that she now has a healthy 2 year old. Everyone seems to have a story or know someone with a story. That does not seem to make it any better. I some how made it through the entire day of work.

Today I had my follow up ultrasound to make sure that everything had exited my system. The experience today solidified Robbie and my decision to find a new OB/Office. There just was not enough concern for what I am going through and I have yet to even see (not to mention talk) to a doctor. The ultrasound tech said it appeared as all major tissue had come out and that there seemed to be just a bit more blood. I should expect that in the near future. I really have not had any bleeding since the initial day... only little bits of borwn spotting. (TMI know but if you even know this blog exists, then you are likely close enough to me that you do not even care).

We asked of the nurse or anyone would follow up with us after this appointment. They said no news is good news. What the *$#@ does that mean? None of this is good news and I want someone to talk to me about next steps...what to expect etc. So needless to say, when I got home today after the appointment, I found a new OB and have an appointment scheduled for next week.

Emotionally, I am feeling a bit better today. I worked from home after the appointment and even watched 3 hours of the Baby Story in TLC. No this was not my first choice but daytime television is not great. I shed a few tears, but I did that before right?