3rd time is NOT a charm

Its is over. 5 weeks and 1 day in and it is already over.

I went to bed last night with come pain/cramping but it did not seem too unusual and since it was not accompanied by bleeding, I did not worry. This morning, I woke up to the same discomfort and when I got up to go to the bathroom, I saw blood. Lots and lots of bright red blood. HUge clots too like before when I took the mesoprostol. As today progressed, the cramps and the bleeding continue full force. I called the doctor's office at about 10 am and talked to her answering service. She put me on hold saying that this deserved a call to the doctor. I knew there was nothing Dr. W could do but I was pleased with the urgency of the operator. Then, Dr. W. came on the line. She asked what was going on. I told her the story. She said she was so sorry and even surprised as my betas were looking good the week prior. She told me that I should come in to her office on Monday and we would talk about next steps. She quickly mentioned an infertility specialist and maybe even IVF to have only healthy embryos in me. We shall see.

I am so frustrated and sad and angry. Robbie and I went to Friday night services for the first time in over 6 years last night. It was a beautiful outdoor service. They do a really nice prayer for healing (that I had never heard before) and I even said my name out loud (although quietly) hoping that G-d would hear me and make this time The Time... needless to say, that did not work. I am starting to really wonder about how life works. People get to have multiple children before people who want then get to have one. It really just is not fair.

So here I am again. The third f-ing time is not a charm. I really thought this was it. But now, at least, I get to have some real research done. Three times puts you in that category of not longer just having bad luck. Three times makes it something that doctors react to. So maybe this time, I will get some answers. The challenge will be that this time (just as the first) I will not have any pathology done. The first because a first miscarriage is so common that they do not test. And this because it happened at home and for the most part, was flushed down the toilet. This was the first miscarriage of mine where it happened naturally. So perhaps that means something.

I sure as heck don't.

3rd time's a charm

Well... I am pregnant...again!
Yes, that's right. The 3rd time better be a big charm.

After the second miscarriage, we were told by my OB to wait 2 cycles before trying again. S0 after the second month, we were back in the baby-making routine. This time however, it was not as easy. Two long months passed by with no success. Of course with each of those two months, the infamous phantom symptoms came too. I was hungry, dizzy, tired. Each month I thought I was pregnant. But of course, my period eventually came. During most of those 2 months, I think I went a little bizurk. I did a lot crying. I mean A LOT. It felt like my life could not progress unless I got pregnant. As much as I tried to focus on other things, I could not. I even had several friends even tell me that I needed to relax. Easy for them to say right?

So somewhere amongst traveling to Indiana for work, and a surprise visit to Sonora as my mom was in the hospital (again), we made it work. It was the first month that I knew I was NOT pregnant. Go figure. I had finally decided it was OK. That one month was not a huge length od time and that life had to go on. It must have been that small bit of stress relief that I allowed my body to feel that did the trick. Robbie and I looked back at my charts for the two months I got pregnant and noticed some similarities. We also saw that it was day 14 past ovulatino that I got positive test those months so we I decided that on Tuesday, August 18, I could test in the morning. After a night that mimicked the night before a trip to Disneyland as a kid (the kind where you are too excited to sleep) I tested. And like magic - there were my two pink lines! Robbie and were obviously excited but this time around, a little less vocal about it. We both a re just nervous and do not want to get too attached until we know more. I tested again using a digital the next morning to "make sure." But of course it is just super fun to see the word, "pregnant."

So that day, I went and had blood work to confirm my positive test at home. I wanted to have both my HCG and my progesterone levels checked. The next day, around noon, the Dr.'s Office called me. I of course was pregant and my HCG level was 68.8 and progesterone was normal (13). So I quietly celebrated the rest of the day while I was at work. Thursday, I went back in to have my HCG levels tested again as they are supposed to double every 48 hours during the start of the 1st trimester. Today (48 hrs later) the Dr.'s Office called again with good news. HCG was 159.7. They more than doubled.

This has all happened at just the right time, as today is my BIRTHDAY! I needed a birthday present like this. I am trying to stay so positive and just live life as stress free as possible. According to all the websites, I am 4 weeks and 1 day pregant today and my estimated delivery date (EDD) is April 30, 2010.

I am thrilled to have a reason to blog again. Tomorrow Robbie is taking my to San Francisco for brunch and to see Wicked. I plan to have him take a few photos of me then, to capture the 4 week "bloat."

In the meantime, here are some pictures of our fur-baby. We took her to Santa Cruz last month and she loved the ocean. Oh and a picture from Robbie's 30th birthday dinner.